you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
