We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
