kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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