you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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