I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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