I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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