You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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