Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
