yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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