Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
