There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
