Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
