Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Drake has all the answers
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
