i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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