dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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