He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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