Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
