FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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