Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
