The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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