When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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