He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm passing your future prison.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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