4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
