I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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