so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
a search helicopter?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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