Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
