She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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