you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize