Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
