And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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