Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize