I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
