I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so much tequila, so little girl.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
