Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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