is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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