your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
