i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
