Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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