go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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