I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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