i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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