Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
