Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I party with great urgency now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
