end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
