Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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