Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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