She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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