It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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