At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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