I am in a vortex of obligation.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
