I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
