so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
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Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
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