I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
