you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
