Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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