buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
