We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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