U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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