Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
there is glitter all over my balls
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
