I'm really into asian looking animals
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
