there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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