You made me cry and you don't even care
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
