maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
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